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All the projects from that darling DJ duo, Emmett Davenport and Lady Attercop!

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The Workshop of Isolated Devoted Fans

Aunty Davenport

Are you lacking the advice of a rogue financier?

With fictional sponsors in short supply, do you find yourself worrying where the next fictional dollar will come from?

The now resigned, but still bored at work, workshop of isolated devoted fan brings the following words for your consideration. Use them, loose them, laugh with them or at them, with naught else to occupy him, he’s gonna keep on writing them…in third person.

Are you troubled by tarantulas? Angered by arachnids? Do spiders plague your waking world?

If such terrors put a rustle in your bustle then we have the solution to free your undergarments from fear related quakes. Rid yourself of this condition and harden your disposition with our ingenious invention.

How is such a behavioral transformation possible?

Simply arm yourself with our patented appendage amputation shears and this simple erroneous mantra: “Spiders have eight legs, not six. That must surely be an insect!”

Now you can live a scream-free existence surrounded by swarms of your new found friends.

This marvel of modern mis-thinking is brought to you by Miss Muffet’s emporium of curds, whey and devilish devices. Now available by mail-order.

The Spring Ball has sprung with unfavorable speed and fervor. Despite your best efforts of interception, your ward has seen the invitation and there are simply no more excuses to be made. What terrible fate awaits her in that crowd of peering eyes and wandering hands!?

Fret not. Fear not. Simply send your chaste charge off with a delightful gift from Madam Chastity’s Boutique of Charming Accessories.

Try the Propriety Propensity Belt. This fashionable adornment will accentuate her petite waistline whilst simultaneously breaking the fingers of all who try to touch it.

When your charge arrives home early, which she will, this delectable decoration can be put to good use around the home. Merely place it upon your larder floor to protect your cheeses from ravenous rodents and dishonest servants.

Madam Chastity, protecting reputations and cheeses for over 30 years.

Are you a dejected poet with the blues?

Has the ability to rhyme a couplet deserted you(s)?

Why should you bow to the unruly, hard-to-ryhmey nature of words such as orange?

Simply turn such words into a sorrange!

Purchase a copy of our Dictionary of Questionable Authenticity and all your literary troubles will be over. The Dictionary of Questionable Authenticity contains over 100’000 words that are guaranteed not to be found in any other dictionary! This legendary lexicon is a ‘must have’ for all those that suffer poetic perplexity. Buy now and we’ll include an extra 200 blank pages so that additional words you ‘discover’ can be added at your convenience.

The Dictionary of Questionable Authenticity. Buy it now before stocks eborange!

As usual, this voyage into the shallow depths of creative attempt was brought to you, regardless of consent or contempt, and with much overuse use of rhyming intent, by Mr Simon Fiddlefield.

[January 1, 2011]